Home for Christmas

Thanks to the generosity of my sister and brother-in-law, I’m going home to Canada for Christmas this year.  I have to say that besides the logistical issues of leaving three hundred animals behind, my biggest concern is the cold.  I am afraid of being cold, as I now have thin, Las Vegas blood.  For the past 16 years, I’ve lived in places which don’t have snow in the winter.  My last trip back to Canada for Christmas was in 1994, and it was so bloody cold I had to wear long underwear and wrap blankets around me if I sat and watched TV.  I had to make an emergency trip to the store for earmuffs because I thought my ears were going to fall off.  It was -26 degrees during that Christmas (that equals -15 fahrenheit), and it haunts me.  I keep crossing my fingers that global warming will now mean that palm trees grow in Ottawa, and that I’ll be wearing shorts on Christmas morning.

The above paragraph is what I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of weeks.  I’d finally convinced myself that the weather during my trip won’t be very cold, and that I’ll be able to deal with it using a barn jacket and some tennis shoes.  Then, today’s Toronto Star printed this article, Brrrr-ace yourself for a cold, hard winter.  I offer to you the offending passage:

Environment Canada yesterday predicted the country could see its coldest winter in almost 15 years. “The last time Canada had a significantly cold winter was back in 1994, more than a decade ago, and this may very well rival that one in terms of coldness,” said senior climatologist David Phillips.

Pardonner à mon Français, mais, Ce qui le Tabernac?!* Is Mother Nature trying to kill me?  At the very least, does she want me to cry?  Because I’m not above crying at the drop of a hat when I’m stressed out, and I’m already stressed about traveling and airport security and packing holiday gifts and dragging my luggage through Toronto customs.  It would be fine if Santa wanted to send me on a $500 shopping spree at Lands End, for example, but I think I’ve got Santa all tapped out this year.  I wonder if I can fit an electric blanket under my clothes?  Those of you who still live in the cold white north (north or south of the 49th parallel), have any tips on warm-weather clothing for a girl who now goes through life wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and a pair of underwear i.e., as little as possible)?  I’m guess socks are a start, right? 

*I invented the little French phrase up there.  It doesn’t directly translate to anything specific, but it will be more gentle on the eyes of my family should they ever read this.  I really wanted to say, “What the fuck?”, but French is so much softer.

Posted by Leigh-Ann on 12/01 at 05:50 AM

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  1. Leigh Ann...FORGET the tennis shoes, no way those will keep your feet warm enough. The trick is to keep your hands and feet warm, then you can make it. Boots are what you need, trust me. Warm socks inside boots will make all the difference. Maybe you could find some at a second hand store...don’t worry about the looks, this is all about survival! Good luck!

    Posted by Mari Lynn  on  12/01  at  07:44 AM

  2. Crazy sister of mine!  Yes it is indeed freezing here and I am sure that it will be even colder by the end of the month!!  We wear the same size so I will see that you are all set up with my warmest boots and coat.  I will even bring them to the airport when I pick you up.  Just don’t go outside when you transfer planes in Toronto.  I also have lots of mittens, scarves, earmuffs hats etc.  Don’t worry!

    Posted by Kelly  on  12/01  at  09:48 AM

  3. Kelly, did you see what I wrote in my blog?  The last frigid winter was in 1994, when I last visited.  And this winter is going to be as cold as 1994!  What are the odds?  What if I die of frostbite…

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  12/01  at  11:09 AM

  4. Layers, layers, layers. And maybe some of those instant-heat thingies for inside your mitts— ask your sister to bring some to the airport. Joyeux Noel!

    Posted by Calamity Jen  on  12/01  at  06:24 PM

  5. I’d knit you a ski mask but there isn’t time. :(

    Proper boots, a hat that covers the ears, a good thick scarf and good mittens are what you need. For indoors, keep the scarf, fingerless gloves, nice thick socks (with perhaps a thin second pair underneath), and something warm over your kidneys and you should be able to stay warm enough. It’s what I do here in NY and I’m not anywhere near as bad as Canada.

    But keep hugging your family and maybe that will help too.

    Posted by Georg  on  12/01  at  11:09 PM

  6. Oh, you make me laugh, you do.

    Ok, remember back to your youth:

    -Layers
    -Keep your head covered
    -Fleece is light weight and wonderful and not that expensive
    -Yes. Your feet will need socks. And shoes. Both together.
    -Dress to keep the heat in rather than to try to recapture it (Obvious, but bundle before you are outside rather than afterward).
    -May be cheaper to get this stuff in Canada than in LV--maybe someone in your family can swing through an outlet store or even a Salvation Army shop (or the equivalent) for cheap stuff you can wear and then shed--stuff like sweatshirts and sweaters, can be gotten on the dirt cheap.

    Yeah, nothing you don’t already know.

    I’ll wave to you as you fly over us on your way to the Great White North!

    Posted by Diana  on  12/03  at  07:23 AM

  7. Here’s a tip from someone who once was homeless--me.  Baked potatos, hot out of the microwave, with a sock over them, especially a wool sock, will stay warm a long time.  Stick then in your pockets and stick your hands in your pockets to stay nice and toasty.

    Keep a hot water bottle, even a plastic pop bottle filled with water to almost boiling and covered with wool sock, in the inside pocket of jacket while out.  Feels good!  You can fill wool socks with rice too, and microwave for four minutes or so.  Stays hot a long time.  You’ll be cozy outside and nobody needs to know your secret socks, or what is in them, keeping you warm all over.  you want a nice warm scarf?  Fill a long decorative sock with rice and microwave.  Then wear it as a scarf.  Or wear a cat around your neck.  That works, too, and the heat lasts for about 16 years.

    Wool hat.  Retains heat.

    Posted by Jody  on  12/03  at  06:30 PM

  8. I think Jody has some brilliant ideas, and others have mentioned most of mine.. But I will have to say that the biggest thing against the cold is your mind.  If you try to tell yourself to relax--not tense up and say I’m CCCCoooolld, and push your shoulders back and stand tall, it helps.  Wool and polar fleece are good friends.  Layers are good, scarves, hats and head/ear bands.  Boots that are too big for you help-- your feet will create a pocket of warm air arund them which is better than no space for air cushion-- think double paned glass or better yet- storm windows.  I like down vests too…
    And hot cocoa with a shot of rum....

    Posted by Rachel  on  12/10  at  05:53 PM
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