Moment of truth

When we first took in our foster kittens, we had many people express interest in adopting them when they were old enough.  As the kittens grew, though, one by one those potential adopters lost interest or had other priorities.  It started to look like we might end up keeping all the kittens ourselves, which wasn’t our original plan (and actually wasn’t even conceivable to me when they came to live with us), but they assimilated themselves into our household very nicely, and I found that caring for seven cats really wasn’t much different than caring for four cats.  I actually look forward to watching TV in the evening because it means “kitten time”—they come out of the woodwork to play and snuggle with us, and it’s just wonderful.  I can truly say that I don’t have a “favourite”, either—I love them all for different reasons, Tie for his affection, Bing for her adventurous spirit, and Scampi for his “little old man within”.  Last week I reached the point where I felt good about having them spend their lives with us, even though it would affect my abilities to take in any more older cats.

Yesterday, we bumped into one of the people who’d originally expressed interest in adopting one of the kittens.  We hadn’t seen her in weeks and didn’t have her phone number, so we just assumed she had also changed her mind about adoption.  Well, she was working yesterday, and as soon as we walked into her store she immediately ran over to us and asked if we still had the kittens.  She said she still wanted to adopt one, and wasn’t even put off when I said that because she works two jobs, I’d feel more comfortable if she adopted two kittens so they’d have each other for company.  We had the kittens in the car because we’d just come back from the vet, so she came out to see them, and I was somewhat impressed by the fact that she didn’t really care what they looked like—she just trusted us that they had good personalities, and that was her main concern.  I’ve been reading horror stories on the Tails and Tales blog about people who shop for cats as if they’re shopping for furniture (i.e., it’s all about what the cat looks like and not about personality), so I was happy that looks weren’t an issue.  The woman agreed that she’d keep the cats indoors, that she’d provide them with a cat tree or two for them to play on and scratch, and that she’d have them spayed and neutered in four weeks.  She also agreed to give the cats back to us if she couldn’t keep them for some reason.  We’ve known this person for quite a long time on a professional basis and I know she’s responsible and easy-going, and I think the kittens would be great company for her.  I’ve honestly got no qualms about letting her adopt, but I have to admit I’m having a tough time dealing with the reality of letting go.

When I first started fostering the kittens, I thought about them as “someone else’s cats”, and that helped me accept that they’d be leaving us eventually.  I was saddened by the thought of it but prepared for it.  Since then we’ve had a couple of ups and downs with adopters changing their minds, and it’s been an emotional roller-coaster of wondering if they’re staying or going.  Now, just when I’d finally accepted they’d be staying, it looks like two of them might be going, and I feel very conflicted by it.  I’m happy that we’d be keeping one kitten, Tie, because he gets along so well with our adult cats.  However, I also feel sorry for him and wonder if he’ll miss his little playmates.  As for the two who could be going, I can’t help but anthropomorphize a bit and worry that they’ll think I’ve abandoned them, or that they’ll miss us, or that they’ll miss their brother, etc.  Gah, the things I put myself through!  I know the right thing to do is to let them be adopted, because it would leave us space to adopt a needy adult cat if one came our way in the future.  However, it’s awfully difficult to prioritize them that way, or to even rationalize why I feel an obligation to some nameless, homeless cat I’ve never met.  I truly love our three little kittens and we have a unique bond that I might never have with another cat, and a large part of me doesn’t want to deny myself the opportunity to continue enjoying that.  I don’t know what it’s like to raise kittens to adulthood, especially siblings who sleep wrapped up together, paws wrapped around each other.  I don’t want to give that part away.

So you see, I’m quite torn.  I’ve got a day or two to decide, but will have to live with the decision I make, perhaps literally.  It’s a tough one.  Future foster kittens may have to have guaranteed homes found by other parties before I’m able to care for them, because while I love looking after the kittens, I’m having trouble shouldering the adoption responsibilities.

Posted by Leigh-Ann on 03/09 at 01:29 PM

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  1. I was thinking about you and the kittens yesterday, just looked at Tie covering his face with his paws - I am not going to be any help - but KEEP THEM.  I feel like I know them and I know they have the best home on the planet.  I worry that they are so used to the perfect home and parents, how can anyone else be to them what you are.  You are probably thinking, well gees Ilona thanks for making this even more difficult.  I just love them even though I have never even held them, looked at them.  I have gotten to know them through your blog, and Nancy’s writings and pictures.  My vote, not that it counts, KEEP THE MOST ADORABLE KITTENS OF ALL TIME, except for my Max and Tiger.

    Posted by Ilona  on  03/09  at  04:03 PM

  2. I was wondering if this would happen. I have no words of wisdom but I know you will make the right decision, what ever that one is.

    I am typing this with my own teenaged little black kitten across my lap. Mad-kitty sends her best.

    Posted by Diana  on  03/10  at  06:03 AM

  3. The most important thing (and you know this) is the love and caring of the kittens.  I guess I’d look at it as, “why adopt them out?”  If they’ve adjusted to your home, then keep it as it is.  imo.  Let us know what happens.

    Posted by doky  on  03/10  at  09:33 AM

  4. This is one reason I stopped fostering little dogs.. I ended up adopting every dog I fostered.  The letting go is definitely the hard part.  But, I can’t help but think that you may have found two of your babies a good home with this woman.  Good luck, what ever you decide. :-)

    Posted by Simply Coll  on  03/10  at  10:31 AM

  5. I am sure that the kittens will be fine no matter what you decide, especially since I know that you would never let those kittens go to someone that you didn’t trust.  I think that this is more something that you need to settle in your own heart.

    Give yourself a few days and then do what you feel most comfortable with.  If you follow your heart, you won’t have regrets. 

    Good luck!  :)

    Posted by Expat  on  03/10  at  01:55 PM

  6. I agree with Expat - go with your heart Leigh-Ann!  You have good instincts.  A few more days to think about it and talk about it here and at home may help too…obviously we are all thinking aobut you! 

    Sending you lots of love :-)

    Posted by Ilona  on  03/10  at  02:19 PM

  7. I forgot to mention in my blog entry that I have successfully fostered then returned kittens before (i.e., fostered from the Humane Society then returned for adoption), so I’m not always this nutty.  I think it’s the one day-old/bottle-fed thing that makes me feel such a close bond with these three.

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  03/10  at  03:06 PM
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