Poochausen by Proxy

One day there will be a knock at the door, and it will be animal control, and they’ll arrive to remove all our pets because of a suspicion that we suffer from “Poochausen by Proxy”.  In an attempt to gain attention for ourselves, we cause our pets to need lots of medical treatment.  Seriously, what other reason could there be, after finding out today that Phoenix needs surgery on both eyes to remove inverted eye lashes which are damaging her corneas?!  We must somehow bring this on ourselves, right?!  If you’re a stray cat or dog and you see us approach, I whole-heartedly suggest you run as quickly as you can in the opposite direction, before we give you gallstones or something.

Luckily, Phoenix’s surgery isn’t urgent, but the vet feels it could give her a degree of comfort she doesn’t have now, and he’ll also use the opportunity to lance a small infected hair follicle on one of her eyelids.  It’s always such a learning experience to go to the opthamologist, as he makes Nancy and I try out his instruments and he literally makes us look at the problem so we’ll understand what’s going on.  Today he was even drawing diagrams on a dry-erase poster of the nerves in the eye—it’s like going to vet school, but it’s free!  Well, it’s not “free”—today was $300 and the surgery will be $1100, but I guess the information is free.  Or something like that.

Posted by Leigh-Ann on 06/30 at 05:53 PM

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  1. <<Phoenix needs surgery on both eyes to remove inverted eye lashes which are damaging her corneas?!>>

    What the hell?! The next thing you know, Dante needs a sexchange operation and Eli want to have some of her boobies removed.

    Seriously, I’m sorry that these things seem to happen to you and your pets all the time. :( But I am also glad that you’re able to give them medical care like that.  I’d just die if any of my pets needed anything like that and I couldn’t give it to them.

    BTW, I saw a kitten about as old as Satchel that kind of looks like Toby.  It could’ve been his son before his preneuter days.  I feel very, very, very, very guilty.  Especially since the kitten seems to have a big patch of mange and isn’t attracted to any fish or catfood I offer.

    Posted by celine  on  06/30  at  08:29 PM

  2. Whoa…

    It seems like you just deal with a animal health crisis and another pops up!  I don’t know how you do it.  I am sending you good health vibes in the hope that you can have a much needed holiday from the vet’s office.

    Posted by Expat  on  07/05  at  06:13 AM

  3. You know, maybe Dante needs that sex-change operation that Celine suggested.  He’s been so moody lately that it’s as if he has PMS, so I’m thinking he needs surgery so that his inner-self matches his outer-self.  Then we’ll rename him, “Dante-Marie”, which is what we often call him anyway, as he’s kinda gay.

    Posted by Mudpuppy  on  07/10  at  07:19 PM
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