Why I’m an atheist

Flippy and I are sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast.  Our doorbell rings.  I go and look through the peephole, and I see a man and woman in casual dress, standing on our front porch.  Thinking they might be lost or looking for their missing cat or something (we’ve had people come to the door looking for their lost pets before), I open the door and stick my head out.  The young man introduces himself and his wife (who’s standing there looking bored, chewing gum), and tells me they’re from some Baptist church.  “Okaaaaay….”, was my somewhat wary reply, as I really didn’t want to talk to them.  The man then handed me a pamphlet and said they were going through the neighbourhood to invite people to their church, and he told me to have a nice day and left.  It was simple and painless, which I appreciated.  Time for that “No Religious Solicitation” sign on the door, though.

Anyway, no harm done until I start to browse through the pamphlet before I toss it out.  On the back it says this (bolding is mine), “If you call on Him today admitting your sin, asking Him to give you eternal life, trusting only Him, and not your good works to get you to Heaven, you can be sure of heaven.”

I have no reaction except, WTF?!?!  They’re telling me I can be a serial killer, a liar, and cheater, and a thief, yet I’ll still get into heaven before the person who spends their life doing “good works”?!  Why would I even want to go to some place where Ted Bundy sips margaritas by the pool, yet the non-believer who devotes their life to helping the homeless doesn’t gain admittance?  Seriously, this is an example of almost everything I think is wrong with religion (they left some stuff out :P).  I already have a problem with people who do “good works” solely because they think it’s going to get them some reward when they die, but this is even worse… and it’s in writing!  And they’re handing it out to people!

When I’m dead, just burn me up, mix with me some manure, stick me in the ground, and plant a tree.  That’s a good work, and that will leave me quite content.

Posted by Leigh-Ann on 07/07 at 02:14 PM

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  1. My uncle sent me a email chain letter that went something like this:

    There was a guy, and he was bad. He got caught doing ______ (fill in the blank with your own dasterdly deed) and was arrested. At his trial, he said he wanted to pick his own judge and everyone agreed. At the end of the trial, the guy was found not guilty by the jury and the judge concured.

    Come to find out, the judge was Jesus. THe man had made a passionate plea saying and was sorry for commiting the crime. Jesus believed him and absolved him of any wrongdoing and jail time.

    I sent a response back to my uncle:

    Wow, cool. So I can go out and rape, pillage, and murder and all I have to do is say I accepted Jesus into my heart and I’m absoloved for having to pay the price for my crimes? SIGN ME UP!

    What a complete cop-out. No wonder you love Jesus so much, you never had to answer for all the crap you pulled when you were younger. And if heaven is filled with people like you (and worse), thanks, but I’ll take hell. At least there the individuals accepted responsiblity for what they did.

    Posted by Nio  on  07/07  at  03:40 PM

  2. It does seem like a convenient answer to hectic modern life, doesn’t it?  No need to invest decades living a good life and doing good deeds, just take a few seconds to ask for salvation, and voila!  It should be marketed by Ronco or something—“60 Second Salvation” (free Ginsu knives to the first 50 customers).

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  07/07  at  05:12 PM

  3. Yup, you can be as evil as can be but as long as you repent blah blah blah at the end, it’s all good.
    Quick anecdote. Last year I was asked to donate a day of painting for a raffle, held by a church to benefit some childrens’ foster fund. I did. One trip to the winner’s home (20 miles away) to go over colors etc. Back a week later, seven hours of work and $60 worth of materials. The freakin homeowners proseletyzed THE ENTIRE EFFING TIME. They even told me that no matter what good I did in this world, none of it would matter if I didn’t repent - I would go to hell. I have no clue how I managed to keep my composure and not slap the you-know-what out of the husband. I closed the door on them, finished the job and left, absolutely furious. Mailed a bitchy and eloquent letter to the church and told them never, ever, EVER to call me again. Didn’t hear back.
    Feh. Happy to be a heathen!
    Even as a little kid, I said I wanted to be fed to something hungry after I died because I couldn’t see the point of corpses taking up space. I still think that.

    Posted by Carina  on  07/08  at  04:35 PM

  4. If you want to come paint my house, I promise to just talk about “The Daily Show” :)

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  07/08  at  10:51 PM

  5. Deal! :)
    I just linked to your blog in my painting chickie one, hope that’s OK. I’m working too many hours & too tired to come up with anything original so I just piggy-backed on this entry.

    Posted by Carina  on  07/09  at  04:17 AM

  6. that’s why i believe in the goddess. she believes if you sin, you get your ass punished and if you do good deeds just to get into her heaven..you get your ass punished..some people she allows me to punish..i give personal ‘bips’...bip you into another century or another universe..depends on how bad you piss me off..rush limbaugh? i bipped him so hard there isn’t enough viagra in the world to get that puppy up….

    Posted by jackiesue  on  07/09  at  11:17 AM

  7. Hmmm… is a “bip” like those “dominance nips” that Cesar Milan uses?!  I don’t really know anything about Milan, but I saw him parodied on “South Park”, and he was using little “neck pinches” to discipline Cartman.  You can give Rush a “bip” from me too, and don’t forget Karl Rove while you’re in the neighbourhood.

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  07/09  at  03:58 PM

  8. Cesar rocks! I am going to do a Cesar blog entry soon…I saw him give his first seminar, it was great. Positive trainers usually hate him. Haha. I saw the South Park episode too.

    Posted by Carina  on  07/10  at  02:49 AM
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