We put our pets first: we are NOT in the minority!

I can’t believe I have to edit this to state the obvious, but, this post is not an attack on the “extended family member” who informed us of the opinions of the rest of the family.  I didn’t shoot the messenger, and I didn’t identify the messenger, although she subsequently identified herself.  I didn’t even mention the messenger beyond the first paragraph—this blog entry is not about the messenger!  The point of this entry was to rally the troops, so to speak—those of us who see our pets as family members need to be vocal in our support of one another.  The idea that pets are “disposable” in a time of financial crisis is literally an issue of life and death for that pet.  People who think that you can just take your pets to an animal shelter as a simple means of rehoming them need to be made aware of the fact that the majority of animals who enter shelters do not come out again.  I actually think that if I was forced to give up my pets and couldn’t place them with new families myself, I might choose to have them euthanized for my peace of mind and their safety.  If the odds say that they’ll most likely end up being put to death after a few confusing, noisy, and miserable days at a shelter, maybe I should spare them that misery.  I hope I never need to actually come to a decision about what I’d do in that situation.  Nevertheless, the following rant was in self-defence.  I still haven’t recovered from finding out that certain people think I’ve been telling them lies about Wee Paws for all these years.  It would have saved me a lot of time if I’d just lied and not actually committed so much time to the process of making Wee Paws self-supporting, even if that means we have to stay small.

An extended member of Flippy’s family recently informed us in an email that “most” people think our financial problems are caused by our pets, that “most” people think we’re lying when we say our vet is giving us free services, and that “most” people essentially think getting rid of our pets is the responsible thing to do because we supposedly are unable to care for them.  We were also told that “most” people don’t understand our love for animals.  Added to this (like a booger garnish on a crap sandwich), it was admitted that a member of Flippy’s family doesn’t think fibromyalgia really exists (edited: I was incorrect, the statement wasn’t that FMS doesn’t exist, but that Flippy doesn’t have it and is just lazy.  It actually doesn’t matter if he believes FMS exists, because we’ve all been victims of someone—a family member, even a doctor—telling us our symptoms are just psychological.  When one sufferer of chronic illness is called a liar it truly does tarnish all of us).  I’m sure you can tell from my tone how much I enjoyed reading that email.  I had suspected there was some family resentment towards the pets, but I had no idea they were being blamed for our financial problems.  I had no idea I’ve been considered an incessant liar for the past three or four years.  I really had no idea that there was so much armchair doctoring going on, either.

I should not have to restate the obvious here, but I’ve been receiving free pet care products for the pets for at least three or four years.  I have no recollection of the last time I paid for cat litter.  I get free food donations from a couple of companies, and when we go to SuperZoo, we bring home so much food that it overflows our freezer and garage.  It literally ends up being a few thousand dollars worth of food and products.  I also get donations, as almost all of you know because you’ve donated to us.  Every single donation helps us continue our tradition of caring for cats who need help.  I’ve turned down cats in need when we haven’t been able to afford it, and it kills me to do it, but I know we have our limits.  I never do more than what donations afford us.  As for free vet care, it’s just a fact.  For the last couple of years, our vet has let us run a tab, and she was very clear to us that she wanted to see our pets get the care they needed before we worried about how to pay her.  This is not unusual… many vets with good relationships with clients allow this sort of leeway (which is why I always hammer on the fact that you need to truly cultivate a good relationship with your vet of choice, preferably, a vet with a private practice and not some Banfield-like revolving door).  We’ve also done a lot for the vet, from taking care of orphaned kittens brought in to listing abandoned animals on Petfinder, so our relationship is a two-way street.  The fact that the vet suggested I do some Internet marketing to start to pay off our tab was a great relief for me, because she hadn’t put any limits on us, and I didn’t want to seem like I was taking advantage.  I know I blogged about how our vet had a prospective new hire run a “mini vaccine clinic” just for us, under the guise of having us interview her, and if you think I made that up, you’re giving my imagination too much credit.  On a related note, I see our vet frequently and socialize with clinic staff, so if our pets were receiving substandard care, they’d be in the position to know.

I know I blog about being poor, and being sick, because that is my reality.  Go back three or four years in my blog and I rarely spoke of those things, but it’s hard to find something “fun” to write about when your life is pretty much consumed by medical problems and trying to find work to pay the bills.  My blog is a place for others in my situation to find support, and to find out they aren’t alone—I’m not here for your entertainment, I’m here for my own.  I hope I’ll occasionally write something which interests you or which you find helpful, but if I don’t, I know you’re smart enough to just go read something else.  I don’t charge admission, and I don’t know where this extended family member came up with the idea that my blog should be a fun and light-hearted place for people to visit.  When I start to charge you, you can tell me what to write about.

I’m obviously angry, and hurt, and frustrated.  When I started to take in strays (and started Wee Paws), I had two well-paying jobs and my health issues were mostly under control.  As the economy worsened and I lost work, my stress increased, and I became unable to do things like buy medication I needed.  That made my health worse.  I’ve never not paid a bill or skipped medication because I needed to pay for something for the pets—it’s not all that difficult to find corporate support for a small number of animals.  Try to find free human health care, well, that’s a joke—my doctor isn’t even permitted, BY LAW, to prescribe more than one month’s worth of my most important medication, so I’m forced to make $100 visits every 4 weeks.  One time he gave me a free Toradol shot, retail value, $20.  I’ve spent over $4000 at his office doing nothing but sitting there while he writes out the same old prescriptions over and over again, so if I want to look for a place where money is wasted, that would be it.  Financial issues aside, I don’t think I should have to sweep my health problems under the rug under fear of some social stigma (you are only as sick as your secrets, and from what I’ve seen of people, it’s true).  I suffer from depression.  I suffer from PTSD.  I have fibromyalgia.  I have Hashimoto’s disease.  I may have multiple sclerosis.  Do you think less of me for admitting those things, or do you maybe think it’s kind of nice that someone with those obstacles has still managed to still make a small impact on a cause she finds worthy (i.e., animal rescue)?  I occasionally am so egotistical that I inspire myself, so maybe it’s not so far-fetched that other people with financial, medical, or emotional problems would like to share in my small successes, and even my small failures.  If I hide my true self, it implies I’m ashamed, and I’m not.  If you judge me, you are the one with the problem, because I’m pretty sure you live in a glass house.  The attitude that we should hide our perceived flaws because other will judge us is a great way to push gay people back into the closet, by the way… at what point do you decide what is okay to share, and what is off-limits?

Thank you for letting me vent, and thank you all for your support over the last few years.  I’ve met the most amazing, incredible, empathetic people online, and I’ve never received one word of criticism on my blog from a “hater”.  If you’re a person who thinks pets should come secondary that’s certainly your prerogative, but your life is less rich for your attitude, and my life will be more rich without you in it.

——————————————

Someone read my mind:  here’s an article from the Toronto Star about how most pet owners instinctively protect their pets the way they’d protect a child, because the pets are family:  Loyal Pet Parents Go Out On Any Limb

Posted by Leigh-Ann on 03/12 at 12:35 AM

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  1. yeah, we are a minority for sure. hope you are doing well.

    Posted by animalfamily  on  03/12  at  06:50 AM

  2. I just wanted to say, that although I don’t know the ins and outs of your life very well, since I met you and Flippy, you’ve inspired me in a lot of ways. I really admire what you do for animals and also how you manage to deal with everything. It makes me think that no matter how tough things can get, I can cope - because some people have it a lot worse. You were a great soundboard for me back on the message board a few years ago, and I’d like to think I learnt a little about life from you both. The sarcastic banter was fun too. :D

    I’m rambling, but basically, I love your blog as it is. It’s real, interesting and I’ve never doubted anything I’ve read. I don’t check any other blogs as regularly as this and Flippy’s.

    So yes. Keep blogging, ignore the hate! :)

    Posted by Char  on  03/12  at  11:28 AM

  3. Hmph. I have a feeling most people who think pets should be secondary don’t actually have pets themselves. I hope you’re able to ignore this person!

    I have a Wee Paws question for you: I used to have it as my designated charity on GoodSearch, but now I can’t get it to come up, so I’m wondering if something is wrong with the site. Are you still listed there?

    Posted by Helena  on  03/12  at  04:28 PM

  4. I haven’t made any changes to Good Search, Helena, but thank you for using it—that’s really nice of you!  I’ll go to the site and check our account and see if I can find out what’s going on.  They haven’t sent me any email about a problem.

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  03/12  at  11:12 PM

  5. Helena, I don’t know why Wee Paws went missing, but it certainly does seem to be gone!  I added it back in (it might take a day or two to reappear), but I also wrote to the company to ask what had happened.  I’ve never received any money from them, so any funds stored from your searches would have been lost if they deleted my account.  Hopefully they’ll be able to restore the missing one.  Again, I appreciate what you’re doing, and as soon as I know Wee Paws is listed again I’ll write a blog entry about it.  You suggested Good Search to me over a year ago and I put it on a list of things to write about and never got it accomplished.  I need to put you in charge :)

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  03/12  at  11:29 PM

  6. This is sort of related to the topic of this blog entry… Flippy and I went to see the doctor who runs our clinical trial today (we test out medications, prior to FDA approval), and were dismayed to find out that the study we’ve been in has been canceled.  The drug we were testing worked for us, so not only were we losing out on a free drug which was effective, we would no longer be paid for taking it.  The doctor found a way for us to buy the medication from a pharmacy in Canada, and as we were leaving the office, she gave us a check for $200 to cover two months of medication for each of us.  She didn’t have to do that, at all, and it wasn’t payment from the drug study fund.  She just did it out of the goodness of her heart, because she knows it’s hard for us to afford our medications.  She also wrote us a bunch of prescriptions during our free visit, to save us from having to visit another doctor who would charge for them.  Between what we saved and received, our visit today was worth about $500 to us.  I doubt there’s any point telling the extended family about this wonderful doctor, though, because in their minds, people don’t do nice things like that and we’d just be lying.

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  03/12  at  11:35 PM

  7. Oh hugs, darling! I’m sorry someone was such an ass. I still have friends who believe I’m making all this shit up in my head, and it’s hard to deal with. 

    Things are still very rough on my front, and I haven’t been blogging like I ought, but it’s hard to write a blog about everything when one discovers their mother reads it. It is for me, anyway.

    Posted by Georg  on  03/13  at  10:08 AM

  8. They don’t believe fibromyalgia exists, eh? How do they feel about that whole “gravity” thing and that crackpot “earth is round” theory?

    Posted by Helly  on  03/13  at  02:15 PM

  9. Hey Leigh Ann - It’s really sad when someone doesn’t want to believe you.  There’s a reason that’s their own and I hope you can separate from them.

    I love Wee Paws and how creative you’ve been in finding support for these creatures who have no one else to watch out for their interests. 

    We want Kevin, btw - we have to get through a visit from BJ’s sister’s family and figure out how to feed him so that Sammie doesn’t get it, but those are small measures.  But if you can hang on to him another few weeks, we’d love to take him. I’ll be in touch. 

    So there - I’ve been pining for a cat since we lost Ziggy, but it wasn’t time, and now that it is you’re able to present a cat that doesn’t freak out at dogs and who likes to snuggle with humans.  I call that a successful enterprise!

    Print

    Posted by Print  on  03/14  at  04:14 PM

  10. Good grief - I can’t believe I misspelled Sammy’s name!  We’ve been fighting that spelling ever since we got her and here I succombed.  Sigh….

    Anyway, Kevin will have to get a new name as well.  That’s the name of the rambunctious golden lab mix across the street who was plowed into by a truck as he leapt across the street to greet BJ; it’s just too sad. 

    Ok - back to your blog now <g>

    Posted by Print  on  03/14  at  04:17 PM

  11. I’m sorry you guys had to deal with those hurtful comments.

    Posted by Nancy  on  03/15  at  06:24 PM

  12. It’s turned into sheer pandemonium, I keep thinking I must be imagining things.  It turns out that the “too many pets” issue is extremely secondary to the fact that no one seems to believe Flippy has FMS, or if they do, they think they should just suck up her pain and get off her meds.  I assume a lot of this is based in the fact that two people in the family have had substance abuse issues?  Beats me, but trying to micromanage the lives of others is often done by people who want to get their minds off their own problems.  If they think Flippy stays home all the time because she’s wasted on pain meds it’s actually the exact opposite.  Most people are surprised to know that when they see us we’re both LOADED with opioid pain medication and we act completely normally.  When you take medication for actual pain, i.e., when you take pain meds that you need, you don’t get “high”.  Getting high is what happens to people who take pills and then those pills float around their bodies with no job to do.  Our mu-opioid receptors grab the molecules from our meds and put them straight to work resolving pain.  In my case, they even resolve fatigue—the small window of pain-free time I get from each dose of medication gives me a glimpse of what it was like to be “normal”.  Even if you want to consider my day-to-day pain “mild”, it’s so omnipresent that it subconsciously takes over my brain.  My brain is so bombarded with pain signals that it can’t function normally, just like the average person can’t function normally under any sort of sensory overload.

    No one should judge anyone else’s pain (physical or emotional).  Until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, don’t assume they can just buck up and ignore pain.  Pain is your body’s way of saying something is wrong, and there are no “hero” badges being handed out to people who refuse to get medical treatment for their pain issues.  Flippy actually has a sibling who won’t even take aspirin for a headache, but when he was hit with a kidney stone, he called an ambulance and was taking Vicodin.  She has a family member with depression who has tried “mind over matter”, but keeps coming back to antidepressants as the best treatment.  Long story short, if your pain is something you can just put aside at will, your pain just isn’t that bad.  And unless you can morph yourself into someone else’s body you have absolutely no idea what kind of pain they suffer.

    Posted by Leigh-Ann  on  03/16  at  01:51 AM
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